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I can't help but think of everything we have done. It has been ten days today since you walked away, no goodbye, no explanation, nono nothing but the hurt and wreckage that you left behind.

The amount of pain I feel is beyond words and at moments I feel like a fool. I can't believe this is happening, I thought I mattered more. Why did you have to go? I am posting this to an open forum, to release these words from me so they can exist somewhere concrete, out in the Universe, instead of eating away at the corners of my mind and my heart.

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Every night that you are gone I wait for the to ring or the door to open, but nothing, silence fills the empty rooms, and again I have nothing to distract myself from your absence. You Lottle my best friend.

There were others before, but most of them served to help me situate and recognize your importance in my life. If I ever let myself get close to another, I fear they will know me only as I am now, and not as how I got here.

You have been my reflection, borne witness to me, helped me gauge my own growth in this long confusing life. Four different cities, opposite not of the country, plane tickets, train rides, better ing plans, endless conversation, anticipation, disappointment, breakups, makeups,death.

That was all in our first year together, never leaving each others side, even when things were tough.

I am indelibly marked with your presence And now. No fireworks Comptno we kiss, no hugs and I love yous at night, no you just left without a single word.

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Now I am lost, I am sad, and I am afraid because I feel something inside of me has died. I do Loneely love, or laugh, or notice color.

I hate the music we liked, I hate myself for not loving you more. You did nothing wrong except maybe love me too much, too well. Even that night when our hearts were so twisted up and we were spitting words unrecognizable to each other, I never doubted we would spend a lifetime together. Now I am faced with the fact that I won't find anyone else who loved me as you did.

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